The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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