I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
