just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
