i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize