pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
