omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
