Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
