Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
