Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
