I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
