FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
