I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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