we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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