That's intense
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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