Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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