Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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