if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Apparently you make a good broom.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
