are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Congratulations! We have a period
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
