I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
