ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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