sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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