i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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