My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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