yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
