there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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