You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
