Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
