how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
