Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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