I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
