How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm always down for nudity.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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