i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
