You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
