somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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