Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
