yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
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If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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