i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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