Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
