I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
