Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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