my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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