he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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