This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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