I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
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Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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