so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
