Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
