At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
