i already hear my dad disowning me
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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