We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
