yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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