my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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