i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
