Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
