That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
