you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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