some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
