I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
