I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
my poor anus
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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