If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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