Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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