i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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