She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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