By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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