I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
