And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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