I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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