so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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