I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
