well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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