Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
