I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
