Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
