when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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