well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
